My darling Lil,
I know the only reason you wanted to be in hospital was because you were in great pain but that you really wanted to be home : you’ve been in too many hospitals too many times. But Allah, in His Infinite wisdom, placed you there so that we, your family, would spend as much time as we could with you.
I have a thousand and one memories of you during your last days in this world.
I remember, once, you closed your eyes and tears flowed onto your cheeks, as you fought the pain, and I held your left hand and I wept, trying hard not to make any sounds. I thought you could not see me cry because your eyes were closed but you knew, and you put your right hand over mine and you patted it, as if you were saying, “Don’t cry, I am all right.”
I remember, once, you closed your eyes and tears flowed onto your cheeks, as you fought the pain, and I held your left hand and I wept, trying hard not to make any sounds. I thought you could not see me cry because your eyes were closed but you knew, and you put your right hand over mine and you patted it, as if you were saying, “Don’t cry, I am all right.”
I remember all the text messages you sent me. When I wrote that I was praying for you, you wrote back that you had prayed too, but that you had asked Allah to let you bear the burden of my worries.
When I looked at your grave, my heart ached with pain. I watched your father and your brothers fill it up with earth while Boo and Inah stood near me. I looked at your brothers and counted three sons. Boo was beside me.
There are five of you. Where was my fourth son? And then I realised it was you who was missing. I had forgotten you were beneath the mounds of earth.
And I held up my hands and whispered “From You we come, and to You we return. I return to You, O Allah, my son.”
And I held up my hands and whispered “From You we come, and to You we return. I return to You, O Allah, my son.”
May you be with the righteous, my son.
Raja Zarith Sofiah
Sultanah of Johor
Tunku Jalil passed away at 25 (on the 5th of December 2015) after battling liver cancer. Condolences to the whole family of Tunku Jalil and Royalty of Johor. Innalillahiwainnailahirojiun.
